27.02.2006
From: BRASIL 1 LEG FOUR DAY 8
Sent: 26 February 2006 07:36
WINE AND DINE AT THE EXTREME
”Wet” and “Wild” are continuing their restaurant survey among all floating
establishments in the Southern hemisphere, to make sure the famous Gold
stars are given to the right places. The total score will in the end
appear in our Great Guide to BYO floating dining hot spots.
Today we are visiting the famous Brazilian venue, High Seas BBQ, and we
decided to check out their breakfast menu. The entrance is not exactly
welcoming. Only a small gap in the door, and Wet is forced to climb in
backwards. Wild is looking for the menu outside. But the only sign to see
is “open the guillotine!” Not a very friendly attitude? Wild certainly
hope the guillotine is not meant for the guests… No Michelin stars to see
outside either and they don’t appear to take any major credit cards. As
Wild is crawling in through the opening, someone empties a swimming pool
over him. Is this supposed to be a joke? Wild is not impressed. So far HS
BBQ hasn’t scored a single point.
Well inside the interior is rather dark, in fact it’s pitch black dark,
and the smell is disgusting. Wet suggested calling the Health and Food
authorities, but they quickly realize they are too far away. The kitchen
is located in the middle of the restaurant. No waiter to see, so Wet
suggested that they find themselves a table. Wild is about to sit down
when a massive earthquake shakes the whole place and tips the restaurant
over sideways. Wet flies through the room and lands on top of Wild. They
try to crawl back, but quickly realize that the whole floor is covered in
hydraulic oil! What is this for a place? Finally the restaurant comes
upright again. Maybe it’s all self service here?
Wild crawls over to what appears to be a kitchen. No menu to see, only a
piece of paper with the heading “Cooking schedule” taped to the wall. It
says “Jocka” is cooking breakfast. It’s already 6:30 now and breakfast
should have been served by 6. Where is the chef? As Wet has finally
managed to sit down on a sofa which he just found out is soaking wet, he
realized someone farted badly just above his head. A very smelly person is
snoring along on a bench in the restaurant with “Jocka” on the jacket name
tag. The chef is asleep!
HS BBQ is still struggling to score any stars… Wild has now found some
bags with day 8 and 9 on, and this appears to be the do-it-yourself
options for today’s breakfast. The choices are Kickstart porridge, or
Muesli with milk powder. There is also a half eaten chocolate bar in the
bag plus a couple of opened noodle bags and some chewing gum. As Wild is
about to make up his mind, a ball of used toilet paper is flying through
the air and just touching his head. It appears that there is another guest
in the restaurant. He is on the toilet, just about two meters from W&W’s
table…
Wild has started to poor some hot water in the porridge bag, but all the
spoons are dirty. In fact the hygiene is way below anything they have seen
before. Wet just realized that he has mistaken the fresh and salt water
pumps. The muesli tastes like s…., but anyway they are both firm on
finishing the meal. Suddenly a fourth person appears in the restaurant.
It’s the owner. Apparently he has won several medals in the Olympic
cooking games. He is not exactly welcoming the new guests. Instead he
finds a place right in front of Wet and Wild and starts peeing in an
orange bucket… Wet decides that enough is enough. Wild has already been
struggling with the smell from the toilet, and after swallowing a vitamin
pill each from a glass with “highly potent” written on it, they both
decided to leave the place and conclude that this is the absolutely worst
they have ever experienced. Zero points on all levels, in fact they decide
to issue a warning in the Restaurant guide: “If you ever see a yellow and
blue restaurant floating by, which claims to be some gourmet hot spot,
grab your hat and run, for once you are inside, it could change your life
forever..”
W&W
You may think that this was slightly over exaggerated, but honestly it’s a
pretty precise description of the breakfast Andy Meiklejohn and myself had
this morning after our night watch on deck……
By the way, we are celebrating a bit onboard today. First of all it’s
carnival weekend, so we are all supposed to have a hangover (unfortunately
is from not getting enough fluids rather than having had too much…), but
also we are back in the race with the leaders. After our northerly option
didn’t pay off and the others got out of jail rather easily earlier this
week, we had a goal of getting close to Ericsson by the second ice gate.
Now we are ahead of them, and within reach of the top three boats. We are
pushing hard now as there are no parking spots on the map until the Horn.
It’s basically a speed race for the next three days, although north-south
separation can make some difference.
All is well onboard. Can someone please remind me in four years from now,
that I don’t really need to do this anymore???? I do really like a big,
warm, nice bed and dry clothes, and I do love nice food…it’s true! I do!
Why are you laughing and thinking; “Idiot! You said this four years ago!”.
Or maybe we are just making it all up? Maybe we just don’t want any
visitors to come and see what a great madhouse this is???
Over and out from Brasil 1…..on the way to Rio de Janeiro (in case you
were wondering..)
Knut Frostad
For media information on the Volvo Ocean Race, please contact:
Lizzie Green Press Officer at race headquarters:
Tel: +44 1489 554 832, Mob: +44 7801 185 320
Email: lizzie.green@volvooceanrace.org
Sophie Luther Press Assistant at race headquarters
Mob: +44 7956 285548 email: sophie.luther@volvooceanrace.org
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